If you have suffered a loss of a loved one or any other major loss, it is important to allow yourself to grieve. Pushing through can cause trauma later on or you can carry that pain into another relationship and it can suffer because of it.
It is important to seek counseling if you are having a hard time moving through the stages of grief. There are lots of great books out there that talk about the grief process.
It is also important not to let someone dictate your process. There are many ways to work through your loss and there isn’t one size fits all. Healing will happen in stages.
Death is not the only loss we have to overcome either. A divorce is the death of a relationship.
The end of a job is a loss – it can be a loss of income; a loss of a sense of purpose; and it can also be the loss of a structure that you thrive in.
Each loss is different and recovery will most likely look and feel different too.
Recovering from a loss of a marriage
So many people don’t see divorce as a loss to be grieved especially if they are the one filing. But the reality is it IS a loss to be grieved.
It is the end of something that was once special. At one time you really loved the person you were married to and something happened along the way that changed the relationship for the worse.
Accept that it is a loss that should be grieved and be not only gentle with yourself but also with your ex. They are grieving too even if they pretend they are not. If there are children involved, even adult children, they will be grieving too. Treat it as you would a death. It is the death of a relationship and a chapter in your life.
Some steps in the process need to be repeated or might not even happen for many years. I lost my significant other to cancer almost 8 years ago at the release of this blog.
The process of packing up our homes and moving from 3 homes to 1 was a process that took months, but the grief has kept me from visiting the places we once loved so much. It isn’t the same without him and sometimes, even now, that grief sneaks up and makes the visit so unpleasant that I just avoid those places altogether.
When he died I made the decision that I would not look to fall in love for as long as it took to heal my heart. That decision isn’t for everyone, but I felt it was right for me. I didn’t want to compare a new relationship with the one I lost.
About a year ago, I realized that though I hadn’t wanted to start another relationship, I had in fact been slowly cultivating a relationship with a very special man. We have not moved into a formal relationship at the writing of this, but I know that will happen over time.
We have deepened our relationship over the years since Justin’s death. He knew of our relationship and has been very supportive in my healing. He believes that I am someone who deserves to be treated with not only respect, but adoration and love.
If he is or isn’t the right person for me, I am looking forward to exploring that possibility. My heart has healed and I am ready to find love again.
Don’t let anyone rush your journey. If you need a therapist or life/love coach to help you. Find one that works for you. Put you and your healing first so you have it in your heart and life to bring the best of you forward.
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